Because i'm a Shinigami

I was wondering if someone would beat me to this but it seems the answer is no.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=z2Z1ek3_BF0

You might wanna follow the link.

hollow = bad guys and shinigami = good guys. Hueco Mundo = bad guy home dimension. I think that's the only context you need.

Ashido- "I was chasing after some hollow who were about to disappear into Hueco Mundo and wound up here before i realized it. I've been here ever since, constantly fighting hollow."
Rukia- "Isn't there a way to escape?"
A- "Yes, there is"
R- "Then why don't you try to leave?"
A- "Because i'm a shinigami"
R- *surprised* "What?"
A- "Most likely, all of the hollow that appear in the real world come from here. In which case, if i can decrease their numbers here, then i should decrease the appearances in the real world. That's why i've stayed here and continued to kill as many as possible. Has the number of hollow appearing in the real world decreased at all?
R- "Well..."
A- "Going by your expression, it hasn't decreased at all."
.... "In order to protect human souls, and keep the promise i made with those who lost their lives, i've stayed here and fought... When you meet up with your friends again, you should hurry back to soul society. If we're not making a dent in the amount of hollow, then there is no point in staying here.

I guess this is as far as i wanted to go.

When i saw this it triggered something in me. It's the entire idea of doing what is right even though the situation is horrible. the exchange of "why didn't you leave" and "because i'm a shinigami" rings for me because his identity dictated his actions. "why don't you give up?" and "beceause i am a child of God" is our equivalent. When things are impossible and people tell you that you're not making a difference what then? "You should hurry back". He doesn't say he's goin' to leave. He can't because he's bound, compelled by something.

Iunno. There are so many times i've done things and expected nothing to come from it but why did i do them? Because i had to. When i see God doing something i can't help but not join in. People see the human outcomes and you know what, many times there are none for humans to say, "wow, what a worthwhile endeavour". I heard back from T-Sa about something i did last year and i know i didn't and doesn't mean crap to anyone. Even the people that participate don't understand. Even when there is fruit they don't understand it because they never saw the planting process. This stuff cannot matter if we are to serve. We have a big picture and we're told to obey in getting there. THere is an old hymn call "trust in obey" and you can look it up. "Trust and obey, for there's not other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey."

Suit up and get to work! Let's be the thing we ARE.

There has been a bunch i've things i've started and never finished in terms of posts and it's odd because i never do that. There are many reasons and one of which is my lack of commitment to things. By things i really mean everything. I don't think people know what impact they have on me and i like for them to think they take nothing away but then again i feel silly for creating this illusion. How can it be that i have so much time that i can just keep giving? I know i won't be going to London for a while since i can't afford the time and because the weather is getting bad and i shouldn't be on the road as much as i am.

more to come in the future... again i was interuppted... maybe i'll find a way to get around those... i don't think so though

prayer stories

so i talked about this last post with the person i was praying for. It's good that they thought the issue just disappeared and everything was happy again. They problem was they weren't right with God and i think right now they person has a better appreciation for relationships and love than before and that is good. They bothersome part was how long it took to help them understand why it's not wrong for me to carry the pain for them. Not feel the same thing but take it from them. "how can you take a burden that God has lifted?" and the reality is that it's not that it disappears so much as Jesus carries it with us and in this case i happen to co-labour with Christ to bring someone forward. Either way after the night things to resolved between that person and me and i know they are good with God and last night i slept knowing that everything was right in the world again. I woke up and it is.

This morning was an interesting morning to me. The prior 2 days i prayed that we could catch a bus that we were kinda late for. Not for me because i don't care but for the other people in the car because they would be late if we missed. Today we were late and i didn't pray. I thought of it but i wanted to give other people the chance. I knew in my heart we would miss the bus if i nobody prayed, but i wanted someone else to.

As we appoached the secondary drop point (we were too late to make the primary drop point) the bus went by and the rest of the car was surprised. I asked if anybody prayed and as expected nobody had. When i asked why nobody prayed my sister surprisingly answer, "because it seemed like a given". Today's situation in the physical world was exactly the same to my car as every other day. They hadn't realized the spiritual world was totally different. Planning without God indeed. There will always be an appreciation for the things of God when you surround yourself with something more than the physical. As the Lord to cause you to see.

maybe an edit to come.

have you ever...

asked for something horirble? no i don't mean that something horrible would happen to someone else. I mean have you ever prayed and asked for something you knew you would be painful with no specific personal growth reasons in mind? I knew people pray for dissatisfaction so they will grow more but i've gone through a series of prayers where i ask God for something even though i know that it would probably destroy me over time.

*stops being cryptic*

So i've prayed more than a few times to carry the burdens of others so they would not have to. I ask to carry the weight and hurts so they can learn their lesson. I feel like some are so burdened with the thing they are called to and so close to breaking that i want to carry the burden for them. Some people say, "but people have to learn from their experience" and that is something i've factored into my prayer. I only carry this because they can still learn without it. I'm not asking to recieve pain, i'm asking this: "God i will take upon myself the pain that they suffer and in return they will be freed and able to learn what they are to learn. The hard part about all this is that i'm not even sure if people are benefitting from this and yet i know things aren't pretty for me. It's sad because people get more caught up with this portion of me trying to carry them that they don't realize the simple fact of this: the faster you learn the faster this ends. Lessons from God are only as long as we make them. It can be fast if we trust and obey or they can be long when we struggle against it.

When i'm tired and depressed it will likely not be a function of my own life but is a function of someone else's. I wasn't goin' to post this because i don't like letting people know that i'm doin' this. This is not me trying to get kudos but i want people to understand that i want to put other people's needs for growth before my desire for comfort and i don't know how i'm goin' to rise above this imported internal stuggle but for those that can recieve i will learn so i can carry these for you.

I refuse to be destroyed as these things threaten me right now. I will not stop this. I will simply become stronger.

My God, the Consuming Fire

Deut 4:23-24

Be careful not to forget the covenant of the LORD your God that he made with you; do not make for yourselves an idol in the form of anything the LORD your God has forbidden. For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.

These days i have interesting appreciation for this aspect of God. There were times I called him Lord more and this consuming fire title seems to have come from the Lord title but in a more powerful way. As a Lord figure I am supposed to obey. As a fire i must be consumed. The fire gives no options, it will, by nature, consume. He has taken my life for his own and allows nothing to take me from him. It's actually really beautiful. It's like the concept of the living sacrifice. To choose to be consumed by the fires pleases my Father. The humbling part is that i have very little to say in the matter because I am consumed by the fires because things close to a fire will burn. It is reality of things.

The cool thing is that when a fire is present it will not stop consuming something once it has begun. It only stop when there is nothing but ashes. If we have God he will take the whole of us and consume it all until nothing of what was there remains. I guess some might call this sanctification. I'm not sure~ I just know that there is much more of this I will be looking at in the next little while and i'll tell you what more i find when i go on.