the question isn't "were you challenged?"

The more i read of my own writting and the more i express myself the more i realize i'm still a shadow or copy of things come before. I read yesterday's blog and wondered why i can look at a piece of truth and think, "hmm, that's nice" and then i realized it was summed up beautifully at the end of the revival hymn, "the question isn't 'were you challenged'. the question is 'were you changed'." This is what kicks me in the face when i hear "wow, that was a challenging message" and "i really enjoyed that" and then i wonder if there has been change. Let us not be informed and uncomfortable, let's be more than that. Let's be Godlike.

thoughts in writing...

i don't understand something in my life and it's odd to me. there aren't many quiet moments i've made for myself and God. I think about all the time i spend doin' the things i do and i wonder where my time goes. I haven't meditated long enough to see it. Though i have an idea that this entire reason for not seeing is likely the same as the root of my problems i don't know what the answer really is.

I am reminded of something as i sit here and it's something near my heart. In exodus 28, when God spoke of the priests he said this: "Have Aaron your brother brought to you from among the Israelites, along with his sons... so they may serve me as priests." They were not serving man, they were serving God and in the end they had this as a reminder: "Make a plate of pure gold and engrave on it as on a seal: HOLY TO THE LORD." so that they would always know that they are set apart for the LORD and his work.

I guess the problem for me is that i see keeping Holy to the LORD and think, "wow, that's nice" and yet it hasn't impacted me as much as it ought. The golden plate was not a decoration, it is truth. I know i need to come back to God and first principles.

problem: i'm not sure how i'm goin' to go about this. i guess there are easy answer but then i didn't want to give those up. i guess i'll do it because it my default. *smiles softly* how can i be more if i cling on to those things? silly me. the time has come. just deleted war craft~ lol was fast~ that'll give me at least 2 more hours a week. time to get to work. time to polish my armor of God. pray for me. i am far from where i ought to be and i'd like your help. my God is an all consuming fire and i desire to be consumed and have him burn away all the imperfections. lets do this. time to change the world

humbled

aside: i hope people have watched the "revival hymn" linked in the prior post

I'm not sure if i've felt like this in a while but it's a good thing. Overwhelmed and useless in God's ministry is a nice feeling. Why? because i've felt capable and diligent for a long time. At this point i'd imagine an author bashing the capable and confident feeling he/she once had because they believe they ought to feel like they are now, humbled. I'm not a believer of that. Why did i feel confident before? Was it in flesh? no, it was a time when God taught me his power and I knew i could do all things through Christ. Now i'm learning about something totally different. This is a time when God is teaching me his power and i see that God accomplishes his own will. God is so big that when he teaches me one thing, his power, i have to experience a seemingly conflicting range of emotions. To know God's power is both able to build confidence and humble. Hallelujah!

I keep pondering how i can become like the "Super-Apostles" of the days past. I'm not sure about the ones of present since i've heard less about them but yeah... there were so many super heros and i want to be one. The cool thing is that i don't have to do what they did since they are not me. I just have to do what i have been given, take care of my sheep and i wanna keep taking more. There is this in my mind: i want to do everything, even if i feel inadequate or adequate, if God allows it. I have i desire to know God more and the deliver that to his people for his Glory. From what i know of God he wants people to join him and to embrace him in a loving relationship and i want to be part of that. I want to get to heaven and hear "as expected from a son of mine". I want to know that ... "For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth" just like the song says.

“MAY THE LAMB THAT WAS SLAIN RECEIVE THE REWARD OF HIS SUFFERING!”

Policy change

I'm not sure if people know this about me but i like to do things in accordance with policies that are consciously set prior to events. What do i do if someone asks me if i'm busy? the answer is always, "i'm not busy". if asked if i'm doin' anything the answer is always, "no". This answers are regardless of what i'm actually doin' because i'm not busy means nothing is more important to me at that moment than that person. i'm not doin' anything because talking to the person is my priority. people that come are urgent i'm clutch like that.

2 things came up to me this week that i felt like my policy had to be revisited and considered. prayer and evangelism were the two.

I don't pray about something more than once usually. there is me that doesn't repeat things and doesn't enjoy listening to things being repeated. I don't see the point in repeating myself to God and in faith i need not. Some people consider persistence important and at times there are things that feel so pressing that i just end up repeating myself or so large that i talk in circles. But i think i'm not goin' to pray for something over and over out of the guilt of "not caring enough". iunno... an article i read made it feel like i was uncaring because i didn't have something tormenting me, but then i know that it's not like that. there are people that can pray about the same thing over and over without feeling they are wasting God's time. I do. I honestly don't see the point if i've prayed in faith the first time and i know that other do see the point and they ought to~ i would be surprised if someone would come believe there is no merit in my method of prayer. I've seen God act because of my prayer and nobody can deny that. From an human "means to an end" stand point i'm find. From a relationship point of view, the more important one, i don't talk to anyone like that and i don't think i want to treat God as anything less than i treat anyone else. If i wanna bring something up with him over and over i do, if i don't and i don't need to follow up because i trust him then i don't. Easy. i've settled on this again, where i started.

Something i'm not so finished wrestling with is my method in evangelism. There are two things i generally talk about. How crap sin and hell are and how awesome my God is. I think that is how it's supposed to be done. There is the danger if i speak only of the former because a person will only come to Christ as a means to escaping the fires of hell. If i speak only of the latter they will not come because they like their current life. I heard a compilation of messages last night and it spoke of people that view God as a means. People want to be happy and God will give them the most of that so they seek him for it. I was reminded of my pastor who spoke of this. Holiness will lead us to happiness but never the other way around. The river flows downwards. Seek God and he will give you life to the full. Seek happiness and God can never be found. God is never the means and so many things seemed right when i heard it but then i realize it was a derivative of this humanistic, make me happy, approach. One guy said he went to Africa to give people a chance to escape the fires of Hell and that sounds so familiar and good. It seems like something i'd say.

now i leave you, why? because i feel like you would benefit from watch it yourself. I've seen/listened to it 3 times now. it's worth my while.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=uwbps9k5Dj0

This is a song that i've thought beautiful for a long time and i'd like to share it with you guys.

***

Battle Hymn of the Republic

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord;
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword;
His truth is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! His truth is marching on.

I have seen Him in the watch fires of a hundred circling camps
They have builded Him an altar in the evening dews and damps;
I can read His righteous sentence by the dim and flaring lamps;
His day is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! His day is marching on.

I have read a fiery Gospel writ in burnished rows of steel;
“As ye deal with My contemners, so with you My grace shall deal”;
Let the Hero, born of woman, crush the serpent with His heel,
Since God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Since God is marching on.

He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment seat;
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! be jubilant, my feet;
Our God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Our God is marching on.

In the beauty of the lilies Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in His bosom that transfigures you and me:
As He died to make men holy, let us live to make men free;
[originally …let us die to make men free]
While God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! While God is marching on.

He is coming like the glory of the morning on the wave,
He is wisdom to the mighty, He is honor to the brave;
So the world shall be His footstool, and the soul of wrong His slave,
Our God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Our God is marching on.

***

I've always fancied us the warriors of the Lord and this song brings that out. It reminds me of Yun Ping in his understanding of the end times in Verse 1. There is more to life than we'd like to deal with sometimes and this sort of exemplifies aspects i don't encounter or care to look for as often. I really like Verse 4 myself. "As He died to make men holy, let us live to make men free;" It's funny because he died for that too but there are things he wants to do through me. Anyway, i hope you enjoy the song. Youtube it or whatever.

seeking the one...

not God but the one sheep... I'm listening to the only recording of "the ninety and nine" i can find. Bonus points for whoever sends me a good quality version.

Song: http://youtube.com/watch?v=dVtDkWl3iR8

lyrics: http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/n/i/90_and_9.htm

Great old hymn of the parable.

I wanted to talk about how we should seek but no, today there is no learning. Today i want us to appreciate the Lord for his care of us. When i hear this hymn i get chills because Jesus left 99 for me. It's not that those 99 weren't good enough but i was his and i was important enough for him to go to the desert, through deep waters and dark nights to reach me. He bloodied himself for me, a lowly sheep. There is no real huge earth shattering revelation in this except that which the Lord reveals to you. Words will never do justice to what the Lord has done and nothing can convince a person of this.

"Rejoice i have found my sheep"

i can't even understand why we matter and it somehow has been shown to me that we do. Indeed i come to the same conclusion as the psalmist: "what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?" How profound. how speechless i am.