how much more

so there was something that i realized today. When i offer someone love and it's reciprocated with fear it's a sad thing and it doesn't happen often so i forgot i guess. If i would do something for a stranger how much more would i do it for you? If i would spend my time building up perfect strangers how much more would i spend on you. If i have loved them this much how much more would i give you?

It reminds me of when Jesus brings up the difference between earthly fathers that give good gifts and our Father who gives the best gift, the Spirit.

It's just a bit heart breaking when i know the reality even though i've tried to be optimistic. In the end though, love will be love and what is repaid to me is irrelevant. A covenant of love is not based upon what you do. I will do what i do because i love.

seek and ye shall find...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vyUoe8l6ZI

an interesting vid for those that follow my interests :D

I think the song is pretty cool and though i haven't heard it all, or more specifically i don't know all the words, i think the concept of being unbreakable is a beautiful one. *pauses* i gotta look it up! lol~

*returns*

Unbreakable - Fireflight

Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight
Can't face me in the light
They'll return but I'll be stronger

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I've never been
I want to go there
This time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

Sometimes it's hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can't see
To reach my destiny
I want to take control but I know better

Forget the fear it's just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust

*****

Anyway, Recently i've been listening to songs and it feels like everything is about God. I can't tell if bands are Christian anymore because it doesn't matter. It's not about their intensions, it's about His, it's about mine. seek and ye shall find, indeed.

so i started a few blogs and deleted them. it's the type of blog that sounds like pretends to sound like wisdom but clearly isn't. Even i can tell i'm spouting a load of crap. Oh well. Anyway, i realize there are a lot more things that i don't say anymore. There are more thoughts and silent battles these days and I've ironically been wondering to myself why that is. I guess in the end there is the talking where i work through my issues with someone else present or the working through where i get through it all without someone else present. In the end, they don't help by giving advice or saying anything inspiring, they are simply there. That brings me back to the reason we should share and whatnot. It's not really for people to help but for them to know, but i'm more careful with this timing now. I don't like to share too early because until i have spend an amount of time and energy on the issue, it will sound like ranting or lost grasping for advice that can't be given because i haven't figured out the problem. So what now? It's not that i don't talk about my problems, it's just that i wait. In that time sometimes i put up a front actually and it's not for the lack of vulnerability, but proper timing. Why concern others before there is a need to alarm them. It's like saying, I might get into a car crash before every driving trip. It's true and you might even have that concern but there is just too much worrying in this world.

SO, i'm going to talk quickly about my staying at home and how boring it is and how I've been talking to God about this recently. When there isn't as much to do people will revert to doing what they want to do, it's sort of a reality i guess. Think about schedule-less days where we nap or play games. Generally we know these things take a back seat, but when there is nothing to do we do what makes us happy. This is different for most people but what makes me happy is two things. 1) Improving at something and 2) Being good at something.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, unless we think back to the fall of man. That's exactly what the problem was. They wanted to improve themselves and be something more than what they were now, they wanted to be like God. It's a confusing part of my nature that i wonder about. What is the proper expression of these desires. How can i not be content with being a Child of God? Isn't that good enough? What do I think i'll get out of being awesome at other things? Weird.

compelled

"We do not do this thing because it is permitted. We do it because we have to. We do it because we are compelled." - Rorschach

This is something I've been thinking for about the last month or two and I haven't really bothered to write about it until now. As i read Philippians Chapter 1 and i think about how Paul was compelled to do all things, not because he could but because he had to. Something in him urged him to go through all the trials. It was the Spirit and therefore the love for God and his people. It was the love of God the gave birth to the desire to leave earth and be with Christ. It was love for the people of God that compelled him to preach and share in the fruitful ministry on earth on their behalf. He therefore tells others to do the same. Don't do what is good for just you but what is good for God and each other, standing fast in the one spirit and one mind for the sake of the gospel in living life that bears fruit consistent with the gospel of truth and life. It is our reasonable response to knowing God.

*come home running, just as you are*